Climate Scoreboard

Frohe Sankt Nicolaus Tag!

Sankt Nicolaus Tag = Saint Nicholas Day.  And December 5th  is the eve of this special holiday!

Saint Nicholas was, among many things, a man who devoted his life to the less fortunate.  On this holiday, children (and adults too.  we can still have fun!) polish their shoes and leave them by the door, hoping (if they have been good humans) that Saint Nicholas will pay them a visit and reward them for good deeds. 

Upon waking, you jump from your bed and run to your shoes to find: clementines, chocolate, small toys, and (in my husbands case this year) each shoe stuffed with a local bottle of beer.  Usually a stick or a potato will also be in there to serve as a reminder that you can always do more to serve humankind.  Or at the very least stop teasing your sister.

This is the first year of my childrens' lives that I have managed to pull together the little baubles and treats in time.  And I am so excited!  They are five and three, so they actually understand the anticipation this year.  When I was a child, my mother put a lot of effort into this holiday year after year (thanks Mom, you taught me the importance of tradition!).  It was one of the many small things that kept me connected to my German half.

To read more about this holiday and the interesting life of Saint Nicholas, visit this beautiful website.  The cute picture above came from here, a German Waldorf website.

I'll hopefully post pictures of our celebration in the next few days.          

Woah, nelly.

Someone slow this horse down!

I just applied for (and got!) a new job.  And as it goes when you work in the human services field, they do a CORI check to make sure you're not a criminal.  I set to the task of answering the main question on the CORI:  list all address where you have resided for the past seven years.

I put down SIX addresses... in SEVEN years!

I was kinda stunned and did a quick count on my fingers of all the major events of my life that have also occurred in the past 7 years:  graduated from first college, fell in love, moved to a big city, got pregnant, moved twice within that city, graduated from second college, moved to North Carolina, had baby, moved back to Massachusetts, got married, got pregnant again, moved again into a bigger house, had baby, was a stay-at-home Mom for a few years, took classes towards grad school, worked full time for a year and Hubby stayed home, left job, moved to current town, got new job.

I feel like a deer in the headlights.  Or a more apt comparison, like the 'possum in the new movie, Fantastic Mr. Fox.  By the way, this movie is so awesome I can hardly describe it!  I love the 'possum.  I am the 'possum.

Right now I am in the middle of a project to help Hubby.  I am mapping out all the fire departments within a 10 mile radius of the Boston area.  He is embarking upon a very exciting journey: to become a paramedic and a firefighter.  And since he's an all-r-nothing kinda guy, he wants to have his career in a busy metropolitan area.

Looking back, looking forwards: all I see is change.  Looking around at my friends and family, I see a similar theme in their lives.  Instead of being trees firmly rooted in place (although there are a few of those in my life) most of us have to be like satellites orbiting a general region, tethered to our lives by certain principles and choices, overlapping with each other as we sweep our wide circles.

Turkey says: "think pork"

It being Thanksgiving week, a lot of sympathy goes to the animals that die this week to feed us!
Personally, I love eating meat; but that doesn't mean I am not appreciative of the turkey lives that are now snuffed for my big day of feasting.

My mother-in-law showed me a cute picture of a turkey wearing a fake pig snout holding the sign "think pork".  All ye fellow meat-eaters:  let us be responsible meat-eaters and be aware of where our meat comes from.  Because one thing I can't get behind is cruel mass-farming of animals.  Plus, the meat from them birds is plain gross.  Get yourself a local bird that has eaten some grass in its 8 months of life!

My children come up with the most amazing things to say.  The latest is that my oldest, who will be 5 in December, decided to be a vegetarian this week!  Not sure where the influence came from, but Hubby said he refused to eat his sweet-and-sour chicken tonight.  And in good form, his little 3-year-old sister pushed her plate aside as well.  Their reasoning?  Well, they didn't have any so I gave a few typical reasons: for health because of the fat and cholesterol or because it's cruel to kill another living being for food.

They went with the latter.  Good for them I say, but we'll see if it lasts beyond Thursday.

Happy T(of)URKEY DAY to all.  Let us be grateful for our loved ones, be humbled by the dark beginnings of our country, and dedicate ourselves to lives of fairness and justice.

A righteous life.

A week after the passing of an elder, I am finally gathering my thoughts to reflect upon her life.  A life now spent, now quiet, now sown in the ether; scattered between the stars.  Ninety-nine years of living.  And to the end she expressed her humor and sarcasm, communicated her need to be loved by not letting go of my hand, and was accepting of her life and the new limits of her hospital bed. 

Grace.  Dignity.  Vulnerability.  Humility.  They were all there.  And finally, the day I came to say goodbye to her physical body, peace... manifest on a smooth relaxed face, surrounding her calm hands folded over a round belly.  She neither possessed it nor desired it; like love, it filled the spaces where she made room for it.  And having lived on a quiet farm for her entire life, it seems there was a lot of open space for it to fill.

Her dying was slow and sweet and void of major pain.  Perhaps in the end she was afraid and did not want to go.  But those who were there said her breathing only increased a little and then ceased.  Whatever thoughts she might have had are private, a communication between herself and God and her sister waiting for her. 

Her dying process was a gift to everyone that witnessed it.  It wasn't scary or tragic or violent or messy.  I read the news and it seems like every second people are leaving this Earth too soon and in too much pain.  What a gift to know that our passing can be held by loving hands.

I learned a great many things from this woman.  I am not ready to put them into words though.  It will take time for me nurture them, to watch them grow...  but I have them.  She gave these things to me, she taught me simply just by being.

Rocking horse kind of day.

Alfred A. Montapert admonishes us, "Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress".  Today, it feels like he was preaching to the choir.


Why can it be so hard to mother children?  It's like they don't want to be my friend.  I'm not going to turn this post into a total whine.  I'll just whine a little.


I felt like I was in motion all day long and that nothing (and this is not an exaggeration) I did was approved of by my little critics.  They were fresh today, oh yes.  I got ordered around, no matter how many times I halted in my tracks and prompted, "puuuleeeaseeee" or "th-th-th...ank... (come on kid, just say it!!).  So kids forget their manners.  Ok, I can just keep hammering away at the "remember your manners" bit.  Oh well.


Then I made dinner: "I hate it!" were the first words from both of their mouths.  And they hadn't even eaten any yet.  I made them eat.  Yes, I made them eat and apologize.


Now I am really starting to feel like a lion in a caged that has been poked too many times.  The answer: put the kids in the tub.  Ahhh... they're happy.  Soapy and clean, they slip out of the tub ad commence Ignore Mommy Hour.  


Getting the pajamas on was a hoot.  I could hardly imagine what getting them into bed would be like, so "Hey kids, fun idea: lets drive around and look for early Christmas lights while listening to stories on the iPod!".  Yay!


But I can't pull the wool over their eyes for too long.  Once we got home, LittleFish was determined to Lose Her Mind.  There but for the grace of God go I.


Tomorrow is another day.  I have piles of things to do: school work, financial aid exit interviews, resume and cover letter re-write...  Maybe tomorrow I'll get to progress a little bit forward on some of those things.  In the meantime tonight, I am sending myself and my kids love.  And praying that tomorrow is better.

A poem from my head today.

Poems flash through my thoughts now and again.  I was an English major, drawn to that field of study by 2 years of creative writing workshops.  I loved workshops; fellow students tearing out the heart of each others' essays and poems and handing them over, still beating, to the authors.  We were brutal.  But I always walked out of every class with a sentence and sometimes just a word I had used wisely.

So, for better or worse, I snatched a poem from my thoughts of this day and attempted to write it down.  Here is the first draft.  Feel free to read it and click away to somewhere else.  Or workshop it (bring me back to old times!  Tell me what to lose, what is good).

(no title as of yet)

A white hot reverie

Answering the call of a late November sun

Buzzing melts to a hum

Cool press of forehead against window

My responsibilities hush 

Brain waves loosen and undulate widely

Thunderclap of noise

Whining and screaming from the backseat

I prepare for the fall

Comedic arms swing out, mouth a stunned O

Thrown off balance

The glass bowl flies into the air

Inspiration to give back: just look at those around us.

Right now, CNN is running a special about 'everyday heroes' from around the world.  You can watch mini-vidoes about the 'top 10' change-makers, according to CNN.  And as if that weren't enough of a special, you then get to vote for the person you think is making the most difference.

Here is the link: CNN Heroes


I might vote, but personally just being able to watch the videos was cool enough.  It would be hard to say who "wins" the award for being the altruistic.  There are so many causes and all of these people obviously care deeply.  I got a lot from watching what these people are doing -- it was a welcome change to news about war, crime, and hopelessness.

Decision-making: Rural vs. Urban life

I made this really official-looking outline of my thoughts recently.  I go to bed weighing pros and cons, so I thought it was time to put this down in hardcopy format (and get it out of my brain!).  The outline is regarding our possible move from our current rural life to city living.  The said document is below.  Please share any thoughts or observations.  Any experiences you have would be helpful to hear (that is, if you end up making it to the end of this huge thought-stream!).

Rural vs. Urban

1. Rural Life
1. Raising Kids
1. Grandparents here
1. easy help with childcare
2. extended family support
2. Outdoor recreation
1. learn about nature
2. connection/appreciation for earth
3. knowledge about farming
3. Safe environment
1. low crime
2. less polluted
3. quiet
4. Quiet and sheltered
1. less exposure to extremes
2. Careers
1. Berkshire network
1. people know us 
2. we know people
2. Limited opportunities
1. good organizations, if few
2. few fire dept opps
3. Moderate pay/less competition
1. less people, lower COL
2. Urban Life
1. Raising Kids
1. Exposure to diversity
1. more accepting of differences
2. “citizens of the world”
2. Cultural opportunities
1. museums, music, art... so much!
3. Live by the ocean
1. learn to sail
2. whale watches
3. natural environment
4. More crime/drugs/violence
1. have to be more careful
2. less freedom to play alone
3. demands vigilance
2. Careers
1. More graduate schools
1. more choice to specialize
2. many schools
3. wider range of program pricetags
2. Many fire departments
1. bigger city, bigger departments
2. more training opps
3. higher pay, diverse career
3. Conclusion about rural: we know the rural life; it is how we were both raised.  We had good childhoods playing in the mud, trusting our neighbors, going to good public schools.  We had little exposure to ethnic/cultural/economic diversity.  We knew less of what is “out there” in the world.  Our upbringing was sheltered; we are trusting individuals who believe the world and people are good.  We also lost several friends to suicide, drunk driving, and drugs growing up.  Seems more prevalent in rural area because there are less diversions for teens?                           
4. Conclusion about urban:  we have said many times, “If it was just us, and not us and the kids, the decision would be easy”  We both love Boston and would jump at the chance to move back.  But we know less of what it’s like for children to grow up in an urban environment.  There are several positives, but there are several “unknowns”: the effect of crime/drugs on our lives, the quality of schools (and whether we’ll be able to live near or be lucky enough to find a good one), the affordability and higher cost of living, the more polluted/noisier environment.
5. Overall conclusion:  we know what our lives would be like if we stayed in our current situation -- the biggest drawback is lack of opportunities to “further” ourselves career-wise.  It seems like we need to know more about the facts of raising kids in the urban environment.  We need to hunt our good areas to live, reassure ourselves that community can exist in the city (and then find it!), visit schools for the kids, and just look at Boston with new eyes.  I think this will help to form a better idea of the possible reality and whether or not its benefits outweigh our current benefits.  

Shake them German love-handles!

5 women, including myself, gathered in my mother's kitchen yesterday to knead butter, rum, flour, sugar, fruit, and almonds into a solid dough to create German Stollen, a holiday bread.  The kneading took an amazing 2 hours of German arm power to make it look and feel like "a nuns belly".

My Mom made this bread every winter of my life.  And it wasn't until yesterday that I fully understood the process involved; and it wasn't until writing this that I discovered how much people love Stollen.

Check out the pricing on a 1lb loaf of Stollen: $16.50!!  The website where I got this price is very nice though and I'm sure they make excellent Stollen.

So, my dirty secret: I don't like Stollen.  Eek!  Don't tell my German half!  It might be something about the 4 sticks of butter that go into it... it might be it's close resemblance to that odd confection, fruitcake.  Seems like the only people I know that swoon for this stuff are those that have lived through spare economic times and Europeans.  Did I not inherit those tastebuds when my genes were being made in utero?

The dough I made yesterday is sitting on my countertop, waiting for me to plop it into the oven.  While it bakes, the house will smell great.  So I am looking forward to that.  Once it come out though, it'll have to "age" for 4 weeks.  Maybe I'll learn to crave it in that time.